Hope for the hopeless

I've been thinking about the people who come in and out of our lives.

I recently got back in touch with an old friend of mine from Nashville who, although I have searched for her in the past, never thought I'd come into contact with again. I met her immediately after becoming a Christian, when I was still in a bit of a transitional phase. I was trying to adjust to my new surroundings and the new life I had been given. I was in awe by it all and a bit overwhelmed at times. My eyes were amazed at all the beauty I had somehow overlooked before and I prayed daily that God would put others in my path to help guide me. I was working at a coffee shop on the second floor of a bookstore and there was an atrium connected, where I would often have lunch and read the Bible. There was a Bible study group that would meet there occasionally and I would listen in for awhile, until one day I found the nerve to introduce myself. It was through the group that I met her. She found me a place to stay for awhile (I was couch crashing during this time), introduced me to "The Innocence mission" and to the Christian world of art and literature. She made me feel at home in a place where I knew very few people and went out her way to include me in her life. I don't think she has the slightest idea what an enormous impact she had on me.

Before meeting most the of the Christian friends that I came in contact with during my time spent there, I had many pre-conceived notions of what they were all like. I was struggling with my own identity as a new Christian, not wanting to associate myself with the hypocritical and judgmental group of people I had spent most of my life trying to avoid and was a little hesitant towards other people who shared my beliefs. But, I met so many creative, passionate, and honestly real individuals in Nashville that my biased views quickly changed. There were so many people that helped me through that new season in my life and I am so thankful that God answered my prayers by surrounding me with so many amazing individuals. Now that I have had time to look back and reflect on that time.. it makes me even more appreciative to have her back in my life again.

There are so may others though who have come in and out of my life over the years and I wonder about them at times. Especially the people who I was friends with while living in Columbus right out of H.S. I can only hope and pray that they are doing well..

I had a dream last night about this guy I dated many years ago when I was not at a healthy place in my life, and whom I haven't seen since. In my dream he was happy and healthy and we exchanged pictures of our children and told stories about what we have gone through since last seeing eachother. I can only hope and pray that if we were to ever meet again, that is what would occur. But there is a worry in my heart, that maybe he is still in the same place we were back then, or possibly an even worse place. God, I hope not.

There are so many others who have witnessed me through rough times and moments in my life which I still have difficulty talking about. A few I still keep in touch with, but there are others who I have lost contact with. I hope to one day meet up with them again, mostly just so I know that they are okay and so that I can ask for their forgiveness. I put a lot of people, including my own family (especially my mom) through a lot back then. I was a self-consumed, drug-addicted disaster, who took for granted all the love and help people constantly tried to give me.

I may not ever see any of those people again, but I can try my best to be a good witness to others who are where I once was. To listen without judgment, to hold someone who is breaking, to pray with someone who is hurting. I can't change the past, but I can reflect upon it as a reminder of where I was and who I have become since then. It also reminds me that there is hope for the hopeless and that God can bring anyone out of darkness if only they're willing to open their hearts and lives to Him. Sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to break down, to cry out for help. To come to a place of desperation and hopelessness that we have no other choice but to let go and allow God to breathe fresh new life into us again.