I'm on the outside, I'm looking in..

I have that song stuck in my head that goes, "I'm on the outside, I'm looking in. I can see through you, see to the real you. Inside you're ugly, you're ugly like me. I can see through you, see to the real you." Not sure if those are the correct lyrics and I'm feeling too lazy to look them up now. Anyway..

Before moving back to the Columbus area I started looking around at churches online and came across a website that intrigued me. I e-mailed the pastor and told him that we were moving soon and would love to come visit his church. A couple months have gone by now and we have been in hibernation mode, only leaving the house to go to school, work, and to get books and food. After the past several rough weeks (okay.. months) I've had, I really felt that my soul could use a little community and maybe some uplifting music. So we braved the cold and made the drive to check out this new little church. It turned out to be all I could have hoped for and more.

We were warmly welcomed by several couples around our age, sang some beautiful old hymns and new songs which left me with a much needed sense of peace, and listened to a refreshingly simple and honest sermon by a younger pastor, who seems to have wisdom beyond his years. All in all it was a truly authentic experience. The church seems to have found a nice balance between embracing the lovely traditions of singing hymns, praying the Lord's prayer, and taking communion mixed with an awareness, fresh perspective, and understanding of what is going on in the world today. They are not stuck in the past, but hold deep to Scripture. And not so modern that they have left Jesus behind in the process. I can say this with confidence, because many of the countless churches I have visited in the past seem to have been one extreme or the other.

Beyond that, everyone made us feel comfortable without it feeling forced. Even my youngest, who will not usually stay in the nursery or Sunday school class without me, stayed with the pastor's wife. To me, that says a lot. I trust my childrens' insticts sometimes more than my own. After leaving, our oldest asked if we liked the church and told us that he wants to go back. I have been in places where I felt either bombarded by fake smiles and overly zealous people who had an agenda or just completely lost in a sea of fish and completely ignored. Here, there was no pressure, but we were invited to come to an evening home group, or if that didn't work for us, to the pastor's house for dinner. His wife also invited the kids and I to a playgroup in their home that we are planning to go to tomorrow.

I just have to stop now for a minute because I'm getting emotional.

Let me just say that we have visited every type of denomination out there. I have had a few good experiences, but for the most part I have always felt like an outsider looking in. Seeing clicks of people into which I didn't fit. Or there was something about certain places that just felt off to me. I would find aspects of churches that I was lead to, but then my spirit would question other things about it and then lead me someplace else. I never felt completely at home. Church after church after church we began to grow weary, so we stopped searching. It was just recently that I began to pray again for community.

Faith and spiritual growth are not based on whether someone goes to church or not. Many good examples of this are in the book I just finished entitled, "Divine Nobodies" by Jim Palmer. I have many close friends who I know I can talk to if I need to, some are Christian, some not. But there are times in my life where I feel as though I am walking through the desert alone and need a drink and a place to rest. A place where I can lay my burdens down and be surrounded by others who share my faith and are there for me to listen and pray. I feel that I need a community of support right now and it is something that I have been praying for daily.

I am looking forward to spending more time getting to know the people of this young church in hopes of maybe finding a place we can finally call home.

Thank you Jesus for listening to my heart.. and for inviting us in.