Music video Monday

Well, I knew there was a reason for holding back in my blog last night about the sweet church house for rent in the perfect area. Some things really are just too good to be true. We found out today that the owners are only wanting to rent it out for a year or two at the most, and then move back into it themselves. No way are we EVER putting ourselves in that position again! I am upset with myself for having already emotionally moved us into it in my mind and heart. And I regret now taking the children there, for they have not stopped talking about the place all morning and were so excited. I wish I had not gotten their hopes up before finding out the details. It just seemed like the perfect place to homeschool our children and I so clearly envisioned us living there. I guess it is not what God wants for us though. Part of me wishes now that I had not even seen it to begin with, because I finally discovered what is is that I want, only just as quickly to have it taken away. My sad hear is aching and I know we could still move into it, but I think the heartache would only be that much more when we would eventually be forced out of our home again. My heart is still healing from the loss of our other house.. I don't think we have it in us to go through a similar experience again. I guess at least this time we know ahead of time, so we can protect ourselves from what's to come. I have to trust that God sees my heart and knows my desires.. and that one day they will be fulfilled. It's just not the right time yet and maybe there is someplace else even more perfect out there for us.. although, at the moment I can't imagine it to be possible. Sigh..



For this Monday's video I am sharing with you a song that speaks to me on a very personal level that I am usually extremely hesitant to share. When I was 20 (11 yrs ago already) my body became so broken down from all the negative destruction I had allowed into it that I was suffering from severe mental and physical illness and anxiety. I couldn't get out of bed and thought surely I would die. It is then that I broke down and asked God for help. I moved home to stay with my mom for awhile and went through a spiritual deliverance. And yes, by that I mean.. an exorcism. Before you start envisioning spinning heads or whatever you have seen in the movies, this was very much real. I only remember bits and pieces of it, as I was in and out of consciousness.. but afterward I slept for what seemed like days and awoke to a completely miraculous healing and cleansing. My life has not been the same ever since.

"When I was a young girl" -Feist