The city mouse and the country house

Oh my, this weekend has been a crazy busy one. The sun tried to sneak out for a bit, but the rain from this past week left behind cooler temperatures and lots of puddles for jumping in!



Saturday morning we drove 2 hours to our tiny hometown to attend A's friend's birthday party. I had not been back there for awhile.. maybe only once since we've moved. It's always strange entering the town.. the familiar rush of memories seem to hit me all at once in a great flood. We made our way to my mom's to pick her up, ate the quick lunch I had packed, and then headed out to the party. The kids had fun playing and I spent some time talking to a few old classmates from school that I had not seen in years. It was good seeing some familiar faces again. Everyone seemed the same, only older. Nothing much seems to change. Time passes, people get married and have babies.. everyone lives within a mile of family. We all feel tired and old.



The kids on the other hand, were hyped up on green frosting and ice cream.



(And yes, that's my little mouse with the short hair and green teeth on the right. He decided he wanted it all cut off and I nearly cried. He has also told me that he is dying it blond when he turns 10.. thankfully, he still has a few years to hopefully change his mind.)



I couldn't get myself to go to our old house before heading back home. I knew the grass would be overgrown and I worried the house would look at me with it's sad window eyes, wondering what it had done that caused us to abandon it. Instead, J gave my mom the garage key and asked her to get the rest of our stuff out for us. The drive home seemed to take forever. We listened to "A Wrinkle in Time" on CD. At one point A said, "I am getting really grumpy and have to get out of this car now or I am going to throw up." I have no idea how we're going to make it to South Carolina and back next month.

I was happy when we finally made it to our exit, but a sadness was still lingering in me. I know that it's partly the loss of our house, but it's also the feeling I have of being torn between two places. I know that I don't belong back there anymore.. not quite sure I ever did. I spent most of my High School career trying to find a way out as quickly as possible. I also know that the commute was killing J, and our relationship. Yet, while living there again for a brief time, I found myself embracing my roots again.. finding a peace and a love for a slower moving lifestyle, open spaces, and tightly knit community. Occasionally here we drive into the city to go to the North Market or the downtown library. The traffic and people make my head spin. I remember a time when I loved the buzz and excitement of it all, but now I can only handle it in small doses or else I become dizzy and claustrophobic. And yet, I do love having museums and activities and food shopping options close by. The suburb in which we have chose to live is all fine and dandy. The lawns are neatly manicured, there are pretty parks and chain stores galore. But, oh what a bore! One afternoon I had some extra time before I had to be at school to pick A up, so E and I drove around the cul-de-sac in which his school resides and let me tell you, I had a serious "Weeds" moment.



Now, I don't mean any harm or disrespect towards suburbanites (especially since I am one), but I'm just not that into Beige! I prefer a little variety. So, after a night filled with intense dreams, I awoke with a start this morning.. and a mission. But first, to church we went.. and I should probably let you know that since my "Standing up" moment in the mega-church, we have started going someplace else the past few weeks. Let me just say for now that when Worship is so loud that you can't hear God anymore.. it's time to go someplace a bit quieter, so you can pay better attention to what He's trying to tell you.

This morning I felt He was telling me that balance does exist. You really can have the best of both worlds. So, after lunch, I packed everyone (grudgingly) into the car for an old fashioned Sunday country drive around the outskirts of the city and even further past the burbs.. and finally, finally.. there it was patiently sitting and waiting for me.

So, of course I had to pull over, jump out of the car and take photos. And this sweet little garden path beckoned me to follow it into the backyard..



..which just happened to have a lovely deck and a large picture window that yearned for me to take a peek into it. Oh those sad eyes, I thought to myself thinking of my abandoned house.. (while I now continued to look deep into the eyes of another overgrown empty soul just waiting to be filled by a loving family.) By this point I was nearly in tears and rushed back to the car to gather up the rest of my family, who, after seeing the look in my own eyes, didn't hesitate to join me.

We had a brief encounter in the car with a tick, and while my boys freaked out in the backseat (sheesh.. city kids!) my mind wandered away with thoughts of how I would make it into a sweet little nest of our own.

Now, I'm sure you would love to see more photos but I'm feeling a bit protective and vulnerable at the moment and not quite sure I want to get my hopes up just yet, so I'm keeping this one to myself for awhile. ;)

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well! I am hoping to find time during the evenings this week to catch up all your posts. I apologize for getting a bit behind on my reading. Thank you for all of your warm and honest feedback in response to my last blog. I am so blessed to have found such amazing support here and your words are so encouraging to me. Also, thank you sweet Anna Kiss for nominating me for an award. :) Much love to you all!