Changes Come

Hey everyone.. after re-reading the last blog I posted, I realized that what I was actually doing was mourning our house that is going through foreclosure. After a good cry I started to come back to my senses and started thinking about this new little house in the country and trying to understand where my fears are coming from. To give it a generic analogy, it's sorta like having your heart broken and then trying to start dating again after 6 months. The townhome we're in now was never meant to be long term. It was almost like a layover while we had more time to find someplace else. I started to lose hope though and gave into the idea of being stuck in an apartment in the burbs long term, even though my dream is to have a house in the country. For years I have been searching for an old converted church for us to live in.. I have had visions of wanting to start a community of faith within our home called "The Olive Tree Community". God has been pressing this on my heart more and more over the years and my dreams at night have become filled with images of War and destruction, of End times, of the coming of Christ as the old Earth passes away. I know something is going to happen soon.. there is a deep stirring inside my soul.

I am feeling called towards a mission and I am trying to pay attention to where God wants me. I know the direction in which I am going to homeschool now and everything seems to be falling into place finally. So, when I found this house it was such a surreal experience for me. As I finally calmed down, I began to think about the reality of it all. Two years from now we will more than likely have outgrown a 2 bdrm house anyhow. The boys will start wanting space of their own and.. well, we've been talking about the idea of having another one eventually, so living in that house long-term wouldn't make sense for us. I'm not sure now why I got so upset by the fact that we wouldn't be able to live there for the rest of our lives. I realize that nothing on Earth is permanent anyhow. That our dwellings here are only ever temporary, so we should just enjoy the place we are in during our time spent there. I know that I need to learn how to live in the moment and stop worrying about where I will be in a year or two from now. I find it difficult to let go of the control freak in me and allow God to guide me. I am a highly sensitive individual and often overly emotional. I also tend to be an open book and once you are invited into my life, I don't hold back. I worry though after my last few posts that others may see me as a bit unstable and maybe I am sharing a little too much of myself. I have tried to distribute my life in short spurts and stories, but the life I have lived is hard to portion out. Once I delve back into it, it's difficult to stop sharing..

What I'm trying to say though, is that I've starting to feel a bit vulnerable and insecure about my writing and I think maybe it would be a good idea for me to take a break for awhile and re-evaluate some things. To me.. my blog is an online rendition of how I envisioned our home church to be. A place where everyone is welcome to come as they are.. to sit around a table, break bread together.. laugh, pray, share stories, hopes, and dreams together. At times though I feel as though I should find an area to focus on.. parenting, religion, homeschooling, food.. but I realize that I can not talk about one of those things without including all the others, therefore I often feel out of place as though I'm not sure where exactly I belong. I feel as though I am entering a new Season in my life right now and I just need some time to transition. I hope you all understand and I promise that I will be back soon. :)

Much love and many blessings to you all,

Erin

I'm going to leave you for now with an OTR video..