So blue...

Good evening my sweet friends,

It's Saturday night, my second eve without the boys... and although I enjoyed staying in out of the cold and catching up on "Brothers and Sisters" from Netflix last night, tonight I was really in the mood to go out. (I had been stuck in the house for a week and was beginning to go a little stir crazy.) So, earlier this eve J and I attempted to brave the cold to watch "The Book of Eli". But after tromping through the snow to the theater we found out that either the website show times were wrong, or J read them wrong. Disappointed, we tromped back down the street and tried to warm up with a decaf soy latte (me) and chai (him) at the coffee shop for a bit. We talked about religion, dating, love, etc. As difficult and awkward as it can still be at times, and although there are still some negative feelings between us that occasionally spill out, we are trying are best to hold onto our friendship and remain strong for our children. :) So, anyway... we decided not to wait around for the next showing and just headed back to the house instead.

I spent most of the day purging and packing again and thought I would finish where I left off this eve, but instead I plopped my bottom down on the couch with the other half of my Subway foot long from lunch that I saved, and ended up watching "ABDC" for an hour instead. J made plans with a friend to go have a drink, so I decided to enjoy another rare and quiet evening to myself, take a bath, and read old Domino magazines. Then spend some time in meditation and prayers, and even possibly do some yoga. It sounded like a good plan, and normally I absolutely love silence and time alone... but tonight as I let my tired body sink into the warm water, I'm not sure what set me off, but I just broke down and the tears started flowing...



Ha, okay... so that's actually my friend Michelle's bathtub, but I can dream, can't I?? :)

So, not a moment goes by that I don't think of Nolan. I miss him all the time. There are thousands of miles between us... and yet, we have such an incredibly strong connection that I always feel him close to me. The e-mails, phone calls, and texts help take the edge off a little bit as well. Usually I am so busy with the boys, homeschooling, housework, job hunting, packing & planning... that even though I feel him with me throughout the day, my time and energy is so filled up that I don't have time to dwell on how much it aches inside to be away from him. It has been 3 months since I was in Vegas and I still won't see him again until he comes back to visit in March. I just got off the phone with my best friend Jamie and her boyfriend, who are in Las Vegas right now and on their way to visit him at work. I am so badly wishing I were there as well. Even as I was talking to her about it, I got butterflies in my tummy just at the thought of seeing him again. :)

This evening as I had time to myself, I found myself letting go of all the emotions I have been trying to control. Long distance relationships are difficult. This waiting period has taught me an incredible amount of patience, along with an even stronger trust in God to help us through this time apart, as He continues to prepare us for our time together. Nolan is SO absolutely worth waiting for, and I know that soon we will be able to spend some much needed time together. But tonight, I just miss him so much. I want to be able to go out on a date with him, look into his gorgeous eyes, share a meal together, have a drink, kiss those scrumptious lips... hold him close to me, and breathe him in ever so deeply. Sigh...

I realize I am getting ahead of myself though. I had originally intended to write about how we know each other to begin with, how we "met" again, and how our relationship has evolved over time... along with details of my Vegas trip. But, instead, I just ended up going on and on about how much I miss him... ha!

Ah, oh well... obviously what needed to come out, just came... and it's been the same with him as well. Such a beautiful and organic process that unfolded so naturally. It's been a breath of fresh air, as everything between us flows so easily, and yet... it's painfully difficult being so far away from the person with whom you want to spend every moment for the rest of your life with. :)

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend.

Much love and hugs,
Erin



Sometimes
When eyes meet you know
They have to meet again
Sometimes
Birds of a feather
Got to fly together

From a dingy attic window
Candles shine
On a perfect table
Laid for two who love to dine
Now they drink the
Highly recommended wine
Free at last and feeling fine

I'm so glad
My fine young friend
Glad for you

I'm so glad
My fine young friend
Glad for you

You used to be so blue
You used to be so blue